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The Office US best quotes: from Michael Scott to Andy Bernard
The US sitcom is brimming with perfect one-liners.
Chris Haston/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank
- Naomi Gordon
Published: Tuesday, 18 October 2022 at 5:21 pm
If you're looking for a mid-week pick-me-up, then allow a round-up of The Office US's iconic quotes to put a smile on your face, which will get you bingeing the ingenious nine seasons on Netflix in no time.
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Originally adapted from the UK version created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, the mockumentary sitcom followed the uneventful travails and mundane lives of office employees in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
It's hard to believe that the show - written by and starring Steve Carrell, Mindy Kaling, John Kasinski, Rainn Wilson and BJ Novak - is now 17 years old, but we think that's as good a reason as any to dig out some of our favourite quotes from the series. And there are plenty.
As we miss the eccentric and colourful characters that brightened up a dingy and dull office including Dwight Schrute (Wilson), Jim Halpert (Kasinski), Pam Beesley (Jenna Fischer), and of course, Steve Carrell's Michael Scott, regional branch manager of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, we look back and celebrate the funniest one-liners of the Emmy and Golden Globe award-winning show.
THE OFFICE -- "Company Picnic" Episode 26 -- Pictured: (l-r) John Krasinski as Jim Halpert, Jenna Fischer as Pam Beesly, Rainn Wilson as Dwight Schrute (Photo by Chris Haston/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images via Getty Images) Chris Haston/NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images via Getty Images
From Michael Scott's words of wisdom: "I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl so I’m wise and I have worms" to erm, yet more of Michael Scott's wise words: “I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious" - we've selected some of the show's most cherished and insightful quotes.
Read on for more funny and weird and wonderful one-liners below.
The Office US: best quotes
- "I live by one rule: No office romances, no way. Very messy, inappropriate...no. But, I live by another rule: Just do it...Nike." (Michael Scott)
- "If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice." - Michael Scott
- "Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout." - Phyllis Lapin-Vance
- "Ultimatums are key. Basically nobody does anything for me unless I threaten to kill myself." - Kelly Kapoor
- "I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader." - Creed Bratton
- "The eyes are the groin of the face." - Dwight Schrute
- "Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name? Creed Bratton." - Creed Bratton
- "I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out." - Kelly Kapoor
- "I'm not usually the butt of the joke. I'm usually the face of the joke." - Michael Scott
- “I saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did…” - Michael Scott
- "I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues, and he’s stupid." - Phyllis Lapin-Vance
- "You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party." - Michael Scott
- "People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck." - Dwight Schrute
- "Whether you're scared of dying, or dying alone, or dying drunk in a ditch, don't be. It's going to be OK." - Michael Scott
- "This is a dream that I've had...since lunch...and I'm not giving it up now." - Michael Scott
- "I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream." - Michael Scott
- "I am fast. To give you a reference point. I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose. And a panther." - Dwight Schrute
- "Last, and possibly least, you didn’t think we’d forget, 'That's what she said!'" - Michael Scott (x10000)
- "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." - Dwight Schrute
- "Tell ya one thing, I’m not gonna be a good mom tonight." - Meredith
- "There's something about an underdog that really inspires the unexceptional." Robert California
- "I work hard all day. I like knowing that there's going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break." – Kevin Malone
- "My heart belongs to music. But my ass belongs to these people." - Andy Bernard
The Office US is available to stream on Netflix. If you’re looking for more to watch, check out our TV Guide.
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Naomi Gordon
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