'We've been indoctrinated to dehumanise the enemy'
US Army veterans speak out in a film that exposes the emotional toll of shooting to kill
ITV
- Caroline Frost
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Camilo mejia was once a proud Staff Sergeant in the US Army, leading his unit through Jordan and Iraq during the second Gulf War, on what he thought would be the first of many tours of duty.
Born in pre-revolution Nicaragua, he is one of thousands of Americans who joined the Army for “the adventure, the glory, the idea of family, the sense of being part of something much bigger”. Instead, Mejia became the first US soldier serving in Iraq to declare himself a conscientious objector, was convicted of desertion and served nine months in a military prison.
He explains now: “In Iraq, the fear, the pressure, the heat, did not allow me to question our actions, but at home during my first mid-tour break, I was able to process memories and experiences, and I realised there was no justification for what we were doing.”
Former special ops sniper Nicholas Irving also features in the film. ITV
Mejia found himself taking part in missions that involved the indiscriminate killing of Iraqis – among them women and children who clearly had no part in the War on Terror.
“I went home halfway through, then when I was supposed to go back to the airport and jump on a plane, I simply didn’t… I realised I wasn’t going back. I knew I’d be in trouble.”
Since his release, Mejia has dedicated himself to anti-war protest and is one of the veterans featured in a new film by Bafta- and Emmy-winning documentary maker Deeyah Khan, exploring the dehumanising effects of war.
I wanted to explore what happens to guilt and morality in a war zone
Deeyah Khan
Khan’s film includes testimony from ex-snipers, former special forces personnel and soldiers of different ranks in the US Army. When they recall their actions in a faraway land, demonising those civilians they encounter for fear of “kill or be killed”, the cost to themselves is written across their faces, a collective trauma borne out by the shocking statistics on suicide, alcoholism, homelessness and drug dependency among veterans.
The film reports that an estimated one in five of those who’ve served in the US military suffer from a form of PTSD. Having previously made films about domestic assault, terrorism and extremism, Khan says she wanted to look instead at the effects of a legal, sanctioned and often celebrated form of violence. “I was interested in what war does to the people who engage in it, not just those on the receiving end, but the soldiers on the front lines of conflicts like Iraq and Afghanistan.
“I wanted to understand more deeply the psychological and emotional toll, to explore what happens to concepts like righteousness, guilt and morality in a war zone.”
Two years in the making, including deeply unsettling conversations with some profoundly disturbed men, the documentary was, Khan admits, tough to complete. “Many veterans don’t feel comfortable discussing their traumas, especially not with a civilian. But those who chose to speak to me did so with honesty, heart and vulnerability. I appreciate that and respect the toll it took on them.”
Film-maker Deeyah Khan. Alamy
Khan hopes this film will “give veterans the dignity of being able to speak openly about what they experienced, how it changed them, what they need now”, but “also to give some space to Iraqis and Afghans – their trauma cannot be erased”.
One of the most gruelling but also moving parts of her film is when Khan brings together ex-soldiers who make no bones about the blood they have on their hands, and Iraqi family members who are still grieving for the relatives they lost in the war. While everybody remains aware of the permanence of loss that no apology can ever fix, the quiet mutual understanding in the room is a moving antidote to the accounts of inhuman behaviour that have gone before.
For Mejia, such meetings are key to ending the cycle of war that has served so many people who are distant from the realities of the frontlines of conflict. “It’s really hard to break a barrier when we’ve been indoctrinated to dehumanise the enemy. That’s part of the design of war – to hide the humanity, to preserve the cleanliness of the endeavour and to keep it going. If you view the enemy as fellow humans, it’s harder to kill. This dialogue is hugely important to break that cycle.”
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Is he at peace now himself? He pauses. “I’m never going to be the person I was before. There’s no way to erase my actions, and I believe living with the pain of that is what makes me human. If I were able to put it behind me, that wouldn’t be a good thing. You might call that peace, but the main thing is that I have learnt to live with myself.”
Authors
Caroline Frost
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