Cunk on... Brooker
Dimwitted documentarian Philomena Cunk confronts the man who made her what she is, Charlie Brooker
BBC
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Philomena Cunk — the interviewer, visionary and fictional dimwit played by Diane Morgan — has been terrorising TV experts for years in her parody documentaries. Now she’s back to tackle even bigger questions in Cunk on Life, so we thought it was high time she tackled the biggest expert on her own existence, aka Cunk’s original creator, screenwriter Charlie Brooker. Here’s what happened…
PHILOMENA CUNK Who are you and what’s your game?
CHARLIE BROOKER My name’s Charlie Brooker, and I’m partly responsible for your existence.
PC What, like God?
CB As far as you’re concerned, yes.
PC I present the Cunk shows: what do you do on them? It can’t be very important. It’s not called Brooker on Life, is it?
CB Well, the BBC asked me to present them myself, but for some reason it always clashes with my schedule. So, I’m relegated to a backroom role, mainly filling out forms and tutting.
PC We first worked together on Weekly Wipe. That’s not on any more, but my show continues. That must be quite hard for you. What have you been up to since?
CB I’ve got a side hustle painting miniature human faces onto wooden clothes pegs. But mainly I’ve been following your stratospheric rise with great interest and suicidal jealousy.
You make me look a right plum half the time
Philomena Cunk
PC Anyway, Cunk on Life. Pretend I don’t know about it — what’s it about?
CB We sent you on a quest to uncover the meaning of life. You interviewed philosophers, scientists, theologians, and even got to visit the Large Hadron Collider with Brian Cox.
PC Are you involved in the edit? I think you put all the worst bits in on purpose. You make me look a right plum half the time.
CB I don’t think that’s true. We make you look like an absolute idiot all the time.
Charlie Brooker. Getty
PC There’s been Cunk on Britain, Cunk on Earth and now Cunk on Life. It feels like we’ve done everything. What have you got planned for me next?
CB Firstly, there’s an endless list of topics you don’t understand, so we’ll never run out of material. Secondly, chances are you’ve already forgotten everything you learned about life in Cunk on Life, so we could just do that one again. You wouldn’t notice.
Not true. We make you look like an absolute idiot all the time
Charlie Brooker
PC As well as Cunk, you’re involved in a slightly less popular show called Black Mirror. Apparently it’s all about technology? Do you worry you’ll get replaced by a robot? I don’t think I could be replaced by a robot. I never stand near a plug socket long enough.
CB How do I know you’re not a version of ChatGPT disguising itself as an idiot? I bet they could run a ChatGPT version of you on a ZX Spectrum and still have enough RAM left over for a half-decent Pac-Man clone.
PC No, I didn’t understand any of that.
CB I know.
PC I’m used to interviewing experts. Have you ever met someone who is an expert in their field?
CB What are they doing in a field? Sorry, that’s the sort of thing you say. I think I mistook myself for you just then.
PC Could you see yourself presenting a quiz show? I was down to the last two to present University Challenge.
CB Really?
PC Yeah, but Amol Rajan pipped me to the post because he said he’d bring his own packed lunch. That was a deal-breaker for me.
CB I’m sorry for your loss.
PC It’s an honour to be in the festive edition of Radio Times, isn’t it? It’s like the Bible.
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CB And probably read more over Christmas these days.
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